I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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