i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
