I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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