Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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