You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
