So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
