just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
dude. I can hear the air.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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