so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
