I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
