I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
