i don't like sucking hair
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
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