I haven't been this sober since birth.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You ruined the universe
Randomize
