Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
