i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Let's paint friendship bongs
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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