Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
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