I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
