just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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