Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
