can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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