I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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