I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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