Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Randomize
