the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
