I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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