Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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