i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My life is pants optional.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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