Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
this beer tastes like vomit already
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
