did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
