I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
