batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Randomize
