wakey wakey hands off snakey
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
