even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
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Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
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You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!