So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
