I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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