well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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