Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
