I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
