i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
