I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
is wine microwaveable?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
