So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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