i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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