She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
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She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
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Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home