And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
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They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
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Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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