I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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