My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back