Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
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We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
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I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable