Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying