trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
