Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
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He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
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Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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