Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
