We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
