Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
