wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
