My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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