so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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