i permit you to call me
so that wasnt chicken after all
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
