I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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