oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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