It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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