He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
