I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize