This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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