I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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