Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
