She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize