i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
