Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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