Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
