Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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