you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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