i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
