I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
