shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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