When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
