the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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