He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I wish I only lived at night.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
